Melancholia

[Trashed]

And what trips your trigger when it's late at night and the lights are low? Mine at this moment is a woman, named Linda. She and I met in Nevada many years ago, and one night, like this one, she and I were sitting in a cavernous living room at her mothers house in Berkeley Hills. It was cold, and the room had these old, tall, floor to ceiling windows, looking straight down the hills and towards the Oakland Bay Bridge. Gorgeous view at night, miles of lights and thoughts put on hold by them.

We were just laying back on the couch, had this radio station playing jazz, slow stuff that just flows into you and calms. So now I'm sitting here listening to the same sounds and thinking how much I miss her.

So what do you think of late at night when all the old ghosts draw straws to see which one creeps in?

[kochab]

my first love. Instead of bangin the nasties like other kids, we were gonna TRY to wait until she was a bit older. Her beinga virgin and me not, I didnt want to feel like I was taking advantage of her for anything and she didnt want t end up pregnant like all her friends were.

She decides to talk to mom to get some bitch control "just in case" (I told her I wouldent do anything with her without it because of her reasons)

Mom flipped a wig and forbid us from seeing one another.
We snuck around painstakingly to do so for a year before My mom told me we were gonna have to move.
I told mom I didnt care, have fun Id take care of myself but shw wouldent have it.

Left for a week before We had the cops called on us by her parents(who was tipped off by my ex no doubt). In 3 days from then I was supposed to have somewhere to stay so I could start my life with her.

Still talk to this girl today and am madly in love with her even though I decided to pursue other people because of our situations. I dont think my feeligns for her will ever change honestly no matter what I do.


now before anyone says Im a shit head for marrying my wife feeling this way and knowing I probably always will....I told her about this on our first date and shes always been cool with it. Im not gonna leave someone im happy with for someone that I MAY be happy with, that would be dumb IMO

[skunkushybrid]

For me the past is forgotten... my dearest memories are the ones from now. I love my wife and kids each and every day and will continue to do so in the future.

melancholy is not a feeling i can enjoy, i find it unpleasant.

[Picasso345]

Some of us smoke to try and keep those ghosts at bay.

[sgtpeppr]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (skunkushybrid @ Feb 23 2009, 02:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=85942)</div>
melancholy is not a feeling i can enjoy, i find it unpleasant.[/b]

I do as well... but one little good thought every once in a while is okay. I think melancholy is when you are more focused on the negative times... which sucks.

[sgtpeppr]

Kochab... I feel for you, I can understand.

...and I can honestly say, those feeling you have and feel like they will last for the rest of your life... they don't have to. As you go along, you will find new feelings to over shine the old... you will not forget, but you may not always consider those feelings so definitive.

...or you may, who knows but you. :)

[skunkushybrid]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (sgtpeppr @ Feb 23 2009, 07:17 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=86061)</div>
I do as well... but one little good thought every once in a while is okay. I think melancholy is when you are more focused on the negative times... which sucks.[/b]


yeah, it's just a self indulgent sadness.

I'm not saying i haven't tasted the fruits, it's just not for me.

[sgtpeppr]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (skunkushybrid @ Feb 23 2009, 11:37 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=86070)</div>
yeah, it's just a self indulgent sadness.

I'm not saying i haven't tasted the fruits, it's just not for me.[/b]


I think at some point in everyone life, they find themselves in a stage of "self indulgent sadness". That is a great way of describing that state. I like it, good definition.

[kochab]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (sgtpeppr @ Feb 23 2009, 02:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=86065)</div>
As you go along, you will find new feelings to over shine the old... you will not forget, but you may not always consider those feelings so definitive.[/b]

Hey there, long time no see buddy!
Your assertions are defiantly correct there sgt
While I try not to dwell on the past I still find myself with a random though every now and then again about it.
I dont mind it so much as some though, I use it as a pleasant reminder f where I have come from and where I aim to go with myself.

I dont really regret much. If anything just what Ive inflicted upon others in the past while living my life. To live in regret means to hate the present;)

[sgtpeppr]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (kochab @ Feb 23 2009, 11:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=86073)</div>
Hey there, long time no see buddy!
Your assertions are defiantly correct there sgt
While I try not to dwell on the past I still find myself with a random though every now and then again about it.
I dont mind it so much as some though, I use it as a pleasant reminder f where I have come from and where I aim to go with myself.

I dont really regret much. If anything just what Ive inflicted upon others in the past while living my life. To live in regret means to hate the present;)[/b]

:good:

I've been lurking lately... treading carefully :)

[Trashed]

when i was startign this thread, it was not o be sad, it was just a way of expresing what i was feeling that night. i wasnt sitign here crying, which i do on occasion as other humans do, but just saying that sometimes memories come at you out of nowhere and you feel this twinge of .. not sadness.. just ...

it's late and it's snowing, the wind is blowing hard from the north, and it's times like these that you forget the usual day to day worries and if an old flame enters a thought, so be it. its not sad. it's just being a human. :)

[NetPirate]

It's all good. We are here to chat and grow and chat!

This song really gets me going in the emotions department. Give it a listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byN3JDPoJRo

[Trashed]

there's an old song, if you can call it that, by YES, called "Awaken." very long, but it's kind of.. indescribable really. about halfway through, it reaches a crescendo, then silence, then far away you here a bell tinkling lightly, and it builds from there. i canot listen to the second half without becoming choked up and fighting back tears. it rises and then slows and the very end of it is.. peaceful. sigh. im goign to go outside ansd watch the snow and the wind playing with it, and then im comign back in here and relax and listen to yours.

[Trashed]

Listened. Smile. Sigh. That's where I am now. :)

[NetPirate]

That song makes me wanna paint! LOVE IT! I hope you enjoyed mine and thanks for sharing.

[skunkushybrid]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Trashed @ Mar 1 2009, 06:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=88156)</div>
when i was startign this thread, it was not o be sad, it was just a way of expresing what i was feeling that night. i wasnt sitign here crying, which i do on occasion as other humans do, but just saying that sometimes memories come at you out of nowhere and you feel this twinge of .. not sadness.. just ...

it's late and it's snowing, the wind is blowing hard from the north, and it's times like these that you forget the usual day to day worries and if an old flame enters a thought, so be it. its not sad. it's just being a human. :)[/b]


Hey trashed i'm not knocking you... and yeah i get what you mean much more now. a sudden memory hitting you does bring back thoughts and feelings from the past.

I've had plenty of women but i don't think i actually loved any of them... so i suppose this is why i won't get momories like that.

[Trashed]

listening... again... to radiohead. :)

as far as old memories go, some of them are sad ( if you let them be, and then smile and move on,) some are scary, as when you realise what could have happened, and you got out by the skin of your teeth, not realising at that time how lucky you really were. :)

[NetPirate]

So you like?!?!?

Take a listen to this wonderful and (despite the lyrics) somewhat uplifting song!!! Tha band is Minus the Bear and they are a math type rock. SUPER AWESOME STUFF!

[Trashed]

i liked very much. :)

[kochab]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Trashed @ Mar 1 2009, 12:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=88239)</div>
some are scary, as when you realise what could have happened, and you got out by the skin of your teeth, not realising at that time how lucky you really were. :)[/b]


I have MANY of those unfortunately...

[Trashed]

so have i... and when they strike, i run them right on out of my mind. :) too many other things in life to think of. :)

i do know one thing. the song i heard last night was soooooo good. listened to it already again today, but not going to again until maybe tonight, so i dont get burned out on it. jsut tucked it away for safekeeping and a time when i can just enjoy it instead of turnign it inot background noise.:)

[NetPirate]

Silly me! I forgot to post the link to the song I want you to listen too! DAMN STONER CHICKS! ALWAYS FORGETTING SHIT!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM_-L4tOQkg

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (NetPirate @ Mar 1 2009, 11:54 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=88242)</div>
So you like?!?!?

Take a listen to this wonderful and (despite the lyrics) somewhat uplifting song!!! Tha band is Minus the Bear and they are a math type rock. SUPER AWESOME STUFF![/b]

[Trashed]

fffsssstt..... :p if it wasn't for stoner chicks we old stoner males of the specie wouldnt have anyone to keep us in line :) i did go to jackson ( ms that is) this afternoon and went by this record shop i have been going to for years,, stocked up on good incense and also bought that particular cd of the song ... :)

right now gettign knee-deep in a cup of coffee here, feetsies are cold and its just good coffee weather here :)

[NetPirate]

You my friend have made a good choice!


<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (Trashed @ Mar 1 2009, 08:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=88358)</div>
fffsssstt..... :p if it wasn't for stoner chicks we old stoner males of the specie wouldnt have anyone to keep us in line :) i did go to jackson ( ms that is) this afternoon and went by this record shop i have been going to for years,, stocked up on good incense and also bought that particular cd of the song ... :)

right now gettign knee-deep in a cup of coffee here, feetsies are cold and its just good coffee weather here :)[/b]

[Trashed]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (NetPirate @ Mar 1 2009, 03:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}> (index.php?act=findpost&pid=88361)</div>
You my friend have made a good choice![/b]

yes ma'am i did. : ) enjoying it and some coffee and some sho' nuff super-stinky incense right now. :)